talk to her. it’s the only way you’ll ever know how you both feel. sounds easy. it won’t be. but you can’t just avoid her.
-allie
the best thing you can do for them is to realize that you alone are not going to be enough and be there for them when they decide they’re ready to stop. self harm is very much like an addiction and people do it for many different reasons. know that it’s really unlikely that you are the cause. also know that it’s very unlikely that you will be the person that gets them to stop. it’s something bigger than both of you. the best thing you can do is be there to support them if they decide to get help. you can be open and honest with them. self harm is something that usually happens in secret, and many times taking the secrecy away takes away the power of it also. tell them that they can talk to you about how they are feeling. learning to put feelings into words is the main thing that ends self harm, but realize this is not something the two of you might be able to do on your own.
the biggest things NOT to do: don’t make them feel guilty. don’t use words that sound like judgements. don’t assume you know how they feel. don’t use ultimatums. don’t speak in terms of black and white. don’t ask them to talk if they really don’t want to. don’t use threats to get them to stop.
getting help can be really scary, but knowing that they have support can make all the difference. it is the BEST method for ending self harm, but can only be accomplished with support and desire from that person to end it.
-allie
